Lindsay's Tree

Today was the first day of summer break for my daughter.  She has been out of school for three days, but today was the first day she and I had to be alone together.  Our day was anything but routine.

I started out the day planning all the wonderful things we could do. In my head, we would eat a breakfast of scrambled eggs and grilled asparagus, and sip on fresh tomato juice. Afterwards, we would put our tennis shoes, go for a stroll through the neighborhood, listen to the birds sing, and pick flowers. Once we returned home, we would do a little gardening, play some "go fish", and then have a nice lunch on the patio.

But scratch all that. Here's what actually happened:

My daughter and I returned home from dropping my husband off at work. Upon arriving home, my daughter went straight to her room, and I headed downstairs to the kitchen. At this point, I still have images dancing in my head of the scrambled egg breakfast. But as I get to the kitchen, I see syrup from yesterday's breakfast congealed onto the breakfast table. Next, I open the microwave to clean the inside of the door and notice something has exploded all over the interior of the unit.  I quickly apply some elbow grease to clean it up. Next up: mopping the floor. At this point I am on my hands and knees cleaning the floor when in walks the child. "I'm hungry", she exclaims.  "As soon as I am done cleaning the kitchen, you may eat breakfast." The kid storms out of the kitchen but not before mouthing off a few choice words to me, the mean old mom.  Yeah, the one who still has delusional thoughts that we will have that nice breakfast, followed by the stroll, followed by the nice lunch on the patio.

Three timeouts later, my daughter decides to return to a somewhat civilized frame of mind, and becomes enjoyable to be around.  She takes her three timeouts, and as a reward, I make her a late morning snack. I envisioned her only eating part of it, and saving the rest for lunch, but she ate the whole thing; and then ate again at lunchtime.

My daughter was content on spending the entire day in her room, covered to her neck in blankets, window curtains closed. But I refused to let her waste away such a beautiful day on self-pity.  So I got her up, got her dressed, and took her shopping.  Three trips to Navlets, one trip to Costco, two trips to Target, and one itty bitty stop at Wendy's for an iced tea and orange soda, and we were back in business.  This new, over-indulged kid was fun, vibrant, and full of piss and vinegar!

And that my friends, is how you turn a totally suck ass day into one only a mom could be proud of.

Stay tuned for more stories from Lindsay's Tree.

~Lindsay

I took my husband to the US Open today. My daughter joined us as well. Everything was good until I had to replace my fun, and friendly hat with the mean, ugly Mom one. One moment of parenting turned into a twenty minute tantrum from my eleven year-old.  Yep, right there on the Ninth hole at Pebble Beach, my child decides to disown me, her dad, and get mired down in self-pity.  It got so bad, she wouldn't walk with us. And when we sat down, where did she sit?  Two rows back, in the far corner.  We asked her to join us and what did she do?  Sat five seats down from us.  Ten minutes later she comes over and stands in front of us. What does she want?  She wants a Clif bar. Yep, you read correctly. My daughter, whom hadn't spoken to me or her dad (whose birthday it was) for at least 45 minutes at this point, now wants us to drop everything and give her a snack. This is after the half-stack of pancakes soaked in syrup; and the cheeseburger with fries at the Trophy Club at the golf club. Now she wants more. No apology for her behavior is offered. Just, "can I have the Clif bar now?" Our answer: a simple no.

But, this is my husband's birthday and I wanted it to be remembered as special. Not another one where our daughter throws a tantrum and we all retreat to separate corners of the house.  So instead, I got the kid a Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream and a water; a chardonnay for me, and a beer for the birthday boy.  All of a sudden, the universe was back in alignment and my child's frown turned upside down. Oh, there still was no apology. There was no thank you for the treat either. Just a smile. And at that point, I took what I could get. And then I kept the bribery going the rest of the day.  Brownie?  No problem. Chocolate Chip Cookie?  No problem!  Hot Dog? Lemonade? Concussion?  NO PROBLEM!  After all, this was her dad's birthday and we were going to have a great day as a family if it killed us.

I know bribing a kid to get them to do something you want is setting a bad example. But sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.  My husband had a great day. My daughter forgot about her aching, blistering feet, and I got to sit back and enjoy my family actually have a good time together.  I'd say that is a gift that is priceless.

Lindsay has many more hiding in her tree. Keep following to see where she travels to next.

~Lindsay

My 14 year-old cat is a lot like my 11 year-old daughter. Anytime I walk in the room, he has to follow me to see what I am doing. If I move my hand, he follows it. If I make a loud noise, he perks up to see what the ruckus is about.  When I give my husband attention, the cat jumps in between us. It is as if he is saying, "Hey you! I'm here and I NEED attention. Forget about that other guy."  The cat is relentless. No matter how many times I shrug him off, nudge him aside, or ignore him, he WILL win the attention-wars game.  For a small, furry animal, with a tiny little brain, he is as smart as they come.

My daughter is very similar, if not worse. I am not much of a gambler, but I can put money on this: If I am in a room talking with my husband, I can count "3, 2, 1" and my daughter will appear. My husband and I may not talk for 2 minutes, 12 minutes, or 32 minutes. But the second we utter the first syllable to a word, the child is present. 

What is it about kids and pets that make them super sensitive to when others are getting attention, and their desire to get in on the action?  I understand the need for attention. And I also understand that some of it is just happenstance.  But when a child or a cat enters the room precisely when the other people in the house are engaged in conversation or showing affection ... COME ON!!!  It is like they have a built-in radar that senses when two humans other than themselves are engaged.  I wish I owned a kid radar or a feline sensory device.  Wouldn't that be something?  To never, ever be interrupted at inopportune times?!!!  My gosh!  I'm going to invent that device, and then become a rich, rich woman!  :)

That's all for now. Stay tuned for more wild, zany fun in Lindsay's Tree!

-Lindsay