Lindsay's Tree

Raising kids is a lot like playing the lottery. If you play the game long enough, you may win.  Of course, the odds are stacked against you, but there's something to be said for taking chances.  Take today for instance:  the kid and I get home after school.  As I get out of the car, I hear a grunt coming from the back area of the vehicle.  You know the kind of grunt I'm referencing:  the kind a chimpanzee or other non-domesticated species might make. I ignore the noise, because I am, after all, not a species of the wild. Rather, I am a human whom has mastered the spoken word.  I would like to think I have, at least.

As I travel from the garage to the house, I hear another grunt. This time, I realize the grunt is coming from my child: my eleven year old child who starts sixth grade in a few short months.  I turn to see what I am missing and realize the grunt is to tell me that "here is my bag, do you want it?" Now, if I didn't speak fluent grunt, I would never have understood that was what the child was trying to communicate. Suddenly, I realize I have won the lottery. Because, I realize I am probably the only one I know whom speaks fluent grunt. So you see ... I played the game long enough that I eventually won the ability to interpret my child's grunts; thus, winning the lottery.  You too may someday master the alternative language your kid so proudly speaks.


I am now sitting at the dining room table skillfully crafting another titillating entry in Lindsay's Tree. Imagine what appears: my child, of course. I acknowledge the child with a smile, and then return my focus to my work. Down the stairs she comes. That didn't take long ... Again, I acknowledge the young whipper-snapper with a friendly smile.  Mind you, she has not uttered a single word during this friendly exchange of smiles.  Ironically, she is now staring at me while perched on the second to last stair. I wonder what she is going to say or do.  Then it comes, "Is there anything you need me to do?"  WOWEWOWWOW! The kid is offering to help?  No, it can't be! But wait, as I ponder the answer, she darts over to the cat, plops down, and proceeds to pet him until he is hairless in one area of his back.  I then force a smile and say, "just your homework, dear." "I don't have any homework", she bellows back. "Okay, then I have nothing."  "Well, can I have my backpack?" "Dear, there is nothing in your backpack." "As you stated, you have no homework." "Um ... well, okay." And then up the stairs she returns.  Now mind you, the kid may not have "homework, per se", however she has a state report due in three days, a book report due in three days, a science experiment due in a week, and a project to do for marine week.  None of which are close to being done, if started at all. I know all this because I missed most of Dancing with the Stars Monday night so that I could create timelines for all these projects that she apparently doesn't have.  That's two more hours that I will never ever be able to recoup.  But hey! The kid has no homework, and I have once again lost my mind!

Remember my friend, Chardonnay? I think I will be paying her a visit this evening. I do hope she is home.

Stay tuned for more adventures in Lindsay's Tree.

~Lindsay