Lindsay's Tree

Children will often tell you the one thing they want, but never get from their parents, is to be listened to. I am unsure what children have to say that is so important, but what I do know is this: no matter how difficult it is to do, you must always listen to your child.

Sometimes it is not the words they are speaking, but rather the words they are not that you should be hearing. I will give you an example. Your child comes home and complains the children at school are calling her shrimp. Now, you yourself have experienced name calling when you were her age, so you think it’s normal. Wrong. The child is asking for your help, not for you to take a walk down memory lane.

Remember: you aren’t supposed fix the problem, but rather lead her down a path of discovery. Your job at this point: ask questions -- lots of questions! Surprisingly, you (and she) will discover the problem. And then, being the smart mom you are, you will offer solutions that are applicable and that she will accept. Why? Because you didn’t appear to “know it all” before she ever uttered a single word. Of course you did know the problem and subsequent solutions, but you can’t let her know that. Remember, you are the dinosaur who does not know a thing.

During this mission of discovery, you are learning too. Or so she must think. You will always be the hero if you just sit back and observe. Recall when you were a kid. You didn’t want to “hear” what mom had to say. Why? Because she didn't understand. How could she?  After all, she had never experienced the terrible experiences you were going through.  Right?!  No.  Even though you always knew she was mostly right about almost everything, you would never, ever, outwardly admit it. This is the right of passage for all children. And your child is no different.

No matter how difficult it is for us parents to observe our children making the same silly mistakes we did as kids, we must let them find their own way. This is to your benefit as well as theirs. And believe it or not, they will appreciate you -- eventually. I know this, because I was once "one of those kids", and my mom has the e-mail I sent her on the day that I finally got it. My e-mail was a note of apology for all the torture I put her through. I didn't know it at the time, but my mom printed that note and put it in her purse. Every now and then she reminds me that she has the note. It travels with her everywhere -- as a reminder, as validation, as newfound respect and admiration for her daughter whom finally "grew up".  Those of you who have done the same with your mom, know exactly what I am talking about here.

Find out what else is lurking in Lindsay's Tree tomorrow.

~Lindsay