Lindsay's Tree

Every day it is a struggle just to get out the door in the morning. One would think getting ready would be a fairly simple task for an eleven year old. The routine is always the same: get up, get dressed, and eat breakfast. Our expectations aren’t so extravagant that we expect the child to actually brush her teeth, brush her hair, and put away her dishes. Oh no!  That would be asking too much: way too much! \After all, the sign on the dishwasher does say, “dirty” in very readable lettering. Perhaps the problem is the note isn't written in the correct language. Or perhaps the dishwasher was cemented shut that morning. Whatever the reason, I should get paid a whole lot more for busing those tables!

When you're a child, it is much more fun to play with the cat, eat ten granola bars that have been strategically hidden by the parents, and hide apple cores and orange peels in milk cartons in your room than take care of the core responsibilities your parent has outlined for you. Oh, and ... let us not forget the countless love notes penned to boys at school before heading off to school.  Of course, the morning dishes are still on the table, the hair is not brushed, the breath smells terrible, and the cat has wedged itself between the corn plant and the TV stand. But hey, we have a fantastically crafted letter to Hank that expresses our undying love and affection for him.  Yep, that's right folks:  my child is writing love notes to a kid who already dislikes her and reminds her of it every day. You, as well as I, know that is a very unproductive way to spend a morning, and definitely, definitely will not make the kid like your daughter more. In fact, it is one of the quickest ways for your child to get reported to the front front office.

No matter how simple or complex the situation, the child will inevitably fight tooth and nail against whatever advice you have to offer. After all, you are just an old dinosaur who could never, ever, in a million years, understand them! Tsk! But when the child comes home crying because the kids are making fun of him again, then … well then it is your job to listen. Don’t try to fix it. You’ll only make things worse for yourself. Just listen and let the child work it out. Because, put simply, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

As a confident, intelligent, person, I do know this:  Children really want to do the right thing, and they do want to know that you are there for them -- unconditionally. However, they will wiggle, squirm, and circumvent the path you’ve strategically placed in front of them at all emotional cost to you. This is because children are always looking for an easy way out, whatever the result. That is why parents should outline the rules and expectations for their children, and then smartly sit back and observe. One day, you will see the fruits of your labor. One day, the child will actually put the socks on her feet, and they will match. One day, she will brush her hair – not just the front and sides – all of it. And one day, the child will do something so incredibly awesome that for one split second, you will forget all the other stuff she ever did that sent you on the fast track to Crazy Town. You will actually feel something foreign come over you. That feeling you get: it is pride. When that day comes, I urge you to simply take a deep breath and rejoice. Because you, for one split second, have gotten through.

Tune in tomorrow to travel on another adventure through Lindsay's Tree.

~Lindsay